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to the youth and congratulate each other on slowly destroying the moral fabric of america. ( laughter ) but what do you expect? it was the vmas. ( laughter ) ( applause ) folks, i don't know about you-- ( cheers and applause ) i don't upon about you, but i am outraged that all-american band and friend of the report, fun, was beaten out last night for best new artist by the british boy band, one direction. folks, i don't want a bunch of snagle-toothed, spotted dick-eating union jackoffs telling america the number of directions we can go in. ( cheers and applause ). but i will give them this-- their song "what makes you beautiful" isn't just catchy. it's got a great message. ♪ you don't know you're beautiful, oh, oh,. ♪ that's what makes you beautiful ♪ >> stephen: "you don't know you're beautiful. that's what makes you beautiful." first of all, great dating advice. ( laughter ) remember, girls, low self-esteem, very attractive to men. guys always go for the low-hanging fruit, okay, easy pickin 's. second, the liibs are incredibly complex, because the boys are singing, "you do
flies over canada on his way to america from the north pole and occasionally he'll stop at a tim horton's so his reindeer can use the bathroom. (laughter) word to the wise: don't go in after donner, okay? (laughter) there's a reason his name is german for "thunder." (laughter) but he doesn't stop in canada. i mean, think about it. a flying bearded man delivering toys all over the world in a single night? that doesn't make any sense. he only has time to do it in one country. so obviously he's going with america. (cheers and applause) why do you think people come from all over the world to live here? our health care? no. (laughter) we have santa. so don't worry, canadian kids, you still have a santa, it's just a canadian santa. every year i believe it rotates to a different canadian celebrity. last year it was nelly furtado-claus. this year it's rush. so that jingle you hear on the roof is just neil peart breaking into a 45 minute high hat solo. (laughter) now, folks, it is the christmas season and the fact that canada doesn't get one brings us all joy. (laughter) but let's not forget tha
Search Results 0 to 4 of about 5 (some duplicates have been removed)

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